My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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