you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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