I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
