Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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