Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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