i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
