wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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