i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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