Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
