Need sex. Gaining weight.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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