i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
