i would punch a child for taco bell
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
