Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
