Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
