Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize