Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
