So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
