I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
