So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
