so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
