writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
