worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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