Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
