Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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