Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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