I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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