Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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