Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
