His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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