Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
