KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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