Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
