found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
