Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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