Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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