I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
