good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
