did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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