shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
