Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
