In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
