No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
