No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
