Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
bring money and cleavage
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
