His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish you could order shots online.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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