God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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