If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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