When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
