what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
