She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
