I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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