she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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