atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
