There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
