My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
two words: eviction party
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize