I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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