He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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