I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
