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• (310): View more from California

  your room smells of hookers.

  (904): View more from Florida

  And success

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  dont start drinking without me

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  u sound so gay right now

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (318): View more from Louisiana

  This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.

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• (914): View more from New York

  Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (559): View more from California

  I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?

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