I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
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wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.