woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience