I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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