I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
