Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize