mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Mom said you looked used
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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