I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
