i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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