If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
