Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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