What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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