I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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