My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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