herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Terrible idea I love it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
