Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
