Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
