Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
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Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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