i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
