Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
