If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
