i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
