Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My liver just had a heart attack.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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